my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
birth control should be required to get into college
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
