So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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