he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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