By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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