I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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