I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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