if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
