I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
two words...techno handjob
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
