Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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