So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
