Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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