Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You pole danced in your parka.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
