eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
