A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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