no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
