That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
