so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
