i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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