and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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