i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
