I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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