he told me I talked like a deaf person
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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