Buhtt sex?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
