I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
