you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
