tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
how drunk are you?
Several
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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