So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
