Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
