do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
