i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
