I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
