He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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