I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
