If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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