remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Rumble strips road head = magical
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
