It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sober January is a disaster.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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