Im at strip club and am horny
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
