Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
