Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well you can't waste a boner
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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