I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
