Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
