I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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