Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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