Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
