What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
