We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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