so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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