3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
