I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
