i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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