was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
