when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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