I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
