If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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